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THE WHEELCHAIR OLYMPICS

by Tom Simmons and Costaki Economopoulos

Mike

Local Sportscaster

Seven or eight paralympic competitors

A STANDARD NEWS GUY IS IN FRONT OF A WHEELCHAIR

BASKETBALL GAME.

NEWSMAN

This is Brad Axelrod reporting live for Channel 4 News from the site of the 1999 Paralympic Games. There has been a lot of controversy about an able bodied man who has used a loophole in the rules to compete and win many of the events so far. We are going to show you some disturbing footage from earlier.

CUT TO A FILM OF MIKE WHEELING HIMSELF ACROSS THE FINISH LINE THROUGH A RIBBON. HE JUMPS OUT OF THE CHAIR AND TAUNTS THE OTHER ATHLETES.

MIKE

How's that for handicappable! Who's the man?

NEWSMAN (V.O.)

Here he is winning the 400 meter race. And here he is winning the 100 meter breast stroke.

CUT TO A FILM OF THE ATHLETES LINED UP IN WHEELCHAIRS ON THE STARTING BLOCKS AT A POOL. EACH HAS AN ASSISTANT BEHIND HIM EXCEPT FOR MIKE. AT THE GUNSHOT, THEY ARE ALL DUMPED IN THE WATER. AWKWARDLY KICKING AND STRUGGLING, EXCEPT FOR MIKE WHO DIVES FROM HIS CHAIR AND SWIMS STRONGLY AHEAD.

NEWSMAN

As you can imagine, this has caused quite a stir. His name is Mike Stein. Let's see if we can have a few words with him. (Turning) Mr. Stein?

A WHISTLE BLOWS AND MIKE BOUNDS FROM HIS CHAIR TO STAND WITH THE NEWSMAN.

NEWSMAN

Don't you think you have an advantage over these people with disabilities?

MIKE

Well yeah, I'm not crippled. I have full use of my arms and legs and all of my faculties. Tends to be an advantage. Especially in athletic contests.

NEWSMAN

It doesn't seem fair.

MIKE

Fair? Life's not fair. I'm raising the level of competition. You think when these people go back out into the world they only compete against the handicapped?

NEWSMAN

Yes, but...

MIKE

Hell, in the caveman days we didn't have wheelchairs at all. The slowest and least fit were eaten by wolves. At least I'm not eating them.

NEWSMAN

Why do they even let you play?

MIKE

Nothing in the rules prevents able bodied athletes. They know if they tried to kick me out I'd slap a lawsuit on them that would cost an arm and a leg. Eh?

NEWSMAN

You are truly disgusting.

MIKE

Remember when they made such a big deal out of Mark Spitts' 7 gold medals? I'll get all 14 this year. And I should- I'm the only one who can step up onto the awards podium. The only event I'll lose today is the dash back to my parking spot.

NEWSMAN

What's next week? The Special Olympics?

MIKE

Hey, there's an idea...

WITH THAT HE TURNS TO REJOIN THE GAME.

MIKE

Let's go you differently abled freaks. Get ready to wheel yourselves back to Losersville.

MIKE CATCHES A PASS AND USES ANOTHER ATHLETE'S

WHEELCHAIR AS THE LAUNCH PAD FOR A VISCOUS DUNK.

MIKE

Who's "special" now?

NEWSMAN

(In Disbelief) Back to you, Jim.

Email me your opinion: Tom@TomSimmons.net

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